So, as promised in my last post, this post is going to talk about what I've achieved (and haven't achieved) since writing the love letter to myself over six months ago. I am going to be completely honest, no matter how bad it is because if I am not honest with myself, I cannot grow as a person. Growing is what I want to make 2012 about for me. I want to actually take the necessary steps to better myself in the long run. I will work my hardest to be happy with who I am as a person.
Looking back to last summer when I had written the letter, there wasn't really a whole lot going on. Actually, I was going through a hell of a time if I'm being honest. I just wasn't ready to fully admit to it.
" When it comes to lifestyle, you love that you have actually stuck to your workout plan and are seeing the changes that are gradually happening to bring you to a better, healthier you. You have also kept up your wonderful eating habits and have learned to actually like spinach! Surprise, surprise."
I'm going to be honest and let you know that I in fact have not kept up with going to the gym for the last few months. However, I have been doing my best to keep my eating regular (every 3 hours) and still working in as much fruits and veggies as I can. I need to continue to work on the eating portion before I get back into the gym again. I've found that by eating every few hours has made a HUGE difference. I never fully acknowledged how important it was to eat regularly. Working out alone did not give me the results I was seeking but when I started eating properly, the weight came off. So, I will refocus and get back on track with my eating habits before attempting to go to the gym again. I will bump up my walking and I will be around kids for the next year and they never sit still. That should definitely help with getting me moving more.
In regards to work, that is a non-issue now. I am actually leaving my job at the end of the month because I will be moving to the UK for the next year. I am completely excited and utterly terrified but I know that this is a step in the right direction for me.
"On the topic of education, you love that you are still persuing your dream to become a teacher and that you are doing the best you can when it comes to school."
As I mentioned above, I'm moving in a few weeks. I did a semester of university - still in a Law degree - and realized, I cannot keep going on this way. I needed a change and I want to teach kindergarten or grade 1 so what was I still doing in law?? On my 25th birthday, I cried. Cried because I was depressed at where I was in life when I knew where I wanted to go but was not taking the necessary steps. The next day, I applied for au pair positions, jobs working with children (daycare centre's, nursery's, etc.) and told myself that by March 2012, I will have found another job working with kids and been well on my way to doing what it is that I actually want to do. I sent a prayer up and guess what? Here I am today, out of university, applied and accepted to all the colleges I chose for ECE and also have an au pair job lined up. I decided to take a year off in order to persue the au pair position and it worked out in my favour because while I'm there, I actually secured a volunteer teaching position at a primary school! How amazing is that? I would have been an idiot to pass it up. So off I go to live in the UK for the next year to gain even more experience in the field I've always wanted to be in.
When it comes to my finances, I actually have been really good at saving and not blowing my money anymore. In today's day and age, I cannot continue to live paycheck to paycheck. I do not like not being able to provide for myself since I was raised to be independent. I do not like to have to ask to borrow from anybody, including family members. I am so thankful that I am getting better every day at learning better ways to save in order to have a nest egg. A tiny one right now mind you, but a nest egg all the same.
"You love that your relationship with your mother is improving as the days pass. It may not be where it once was but it is improving and you are putting more of an effort into fixing things the way she is also making an effort with you. [...] You also remain close to your grandmother despite the problems you and he may have had in the past."
When I wrote this letter, this is where I hoped I would be when it came to my mother and I. We had just started speaking after a two year hiatus and it was very strained. I can honestly say that, what I wrote reflects the exact place we are at this moment in time. It isn't easy at all because things will never be like they were but we are trying and that counts for a lot. My grandmother and I will always have our issues but I have learned better ways to handle things when they get tough wherever she's involved. I love her and always will regardless of the things that have taken place.
"When it comes to your relationships, you have grown stronger and know what you will and will not put up with when it comes to finding a partner. You have learned not to settle and that you ARE worth it and if he cannot see that, he is not worth your time. You have come far in learning to appreciate yourself and bettering your relationship with yourself. You still have to work on it daily but you have learned to accept yourself for who you are, finally."
Oh goodness, relationships. It is true that I have grown stronger when it comes to standing up for myself and no longer settling for less than I deserve. I've started speaking my mind more without fear of losing the person I'm with because if it's really meant to be, then me having an opinion and expressing it should not change the way he feels towards me. At this moment, I will admit that things are not the greatest in my love life because I am still in love with my ex, London. It kills me daily and hurts but I am doing my best to work at getting back to the point where I am okay. I know I'll never really be over him but I know that I can be okay and I do want him to be happy, even if it will never be with me.
If this was six months ago, I would be sitting around waiting for him to decide that I'm what he wants and that he'll fight for me. For us. But now, he's told me to move on because everything is just up in the air so move on I will. It's upsetting and it hurts because I wish that he would have fought a little harder if he really wanted us to try and work things out, but what can a girl do? All that's left is for me to take his advice because it makes no sense for me to hold on, fighting if I'm doing it alone. As the title of this blog says, I'm still searching for my happily ever after and I'm not ready to give up hope that one day I will find it.
Overall, I think that I've done pretty well when it comes to the goals I set for myself more than six months ago. I am thinking about doing another letter and post marking it for a year once I'm over in the UK. I will let you know if I do decide to write another one and keep you updated when I get it back. Until then, I will say adieu.
Toodles! xx
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